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Boo is twelve years old today. And my Mum is 77.
And the best pressie that they both got?
Boo’s future school is allowing him to go by “Mine-His” surname! Their legal dept has made an exception to the rule because he has been known by that name through 7 years of primary school.
Yippeeeee!! Common sense prevails!
It’s lovely to have something THIS important go our way!
Nothing positive to report.
Nope.
Nada.
Zip.
But plenty to report, all the same.
A week ago, I received a letter from the Family Assistance Office ordering me to lodge detailed profit and loss statements with them within 21 days.
I telephoned them to find out why, and to ask for an extension, and apparently this is NOT a computer generated review.
Oh no.
“Somebody” had notified them that I was earning money that I was not declaring, and that, consequently, I was fraudulently receiving Family Tax Benefits.
“Somebody”???
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out that it’s DH taking a first, insanely aggressive, step towards reducing his Child Support obligations AGAIN.
I’m self-employed. And totally disorganised when it comes to my tax returns and book-keeping.
But I’m ANYTHING but fraudulent.
I have declared a projected income which is higher than my real income. A LOT higher.
So, this “review” will end up being in my favour.
But the process is killing me.
********
When Toto was born, DH refused to even consider a double-barrelled surname, and so, subservient fool that I was, Toto was registered with DH’s surname only (we shall call it “His”).
When Boo was born, I did not want him to have a different surname to his brother (and I was clinically depressed) and so he, too, has just DH’s surname.
My surname is their 3rd name on their birth certificates.
The fact that DH did not financially support the children, or even try to see them when they were very small, prompted me to change their surname to “Mine-His” before they were even in school.
By the time they were in school, they were registered as “Mine-His” in a category called “Known As”. In other words, their birth certificate and passports have “His” name on them, but everything else has “Mine-His”, including all communications with the Department of Education.
When DH started all of the legal stuff, I tried to include an official “change of name” in the orders. DH refused.
He makes a huge deal out of calling them by his surname only. Which upsets the boys enormously.
Well…. Boo’s school for next year has told me that they refuse to call him “Mine-His” unless they have a stat-dec signed by both parents.
Nevermind that he sat their entrance exam as “Mine-His”. Never mind that ALL his school records are “Mine-His”.
No, they’re standing their ground.
And Boo is devastated.
I’m waiting to hear back from the Headmistress about it… but it doesn’t look good.
Why should he have to suffer like this? Don’t they realise that it’s THEY who are changing his name? Not me!
One of my brothers changed his christian name when he was in Kindergarten. He literally came home and told my parents that his name was now something else.
He did not change it by de-pol until he was an adult, but was “known as” his new name all the way through school and university.
I do not understand why this school has taken such an officious stand on this simple problem.
The migraine didn’t go away, and so my Mothers’ Day was spent at home, in pain.
DH “told me” that I could collect the boys from him at 5.30pm… despite the court order stating that I was meant to have them from 9 – 6 on Mothers’ Day.
And when I did collect the boys, they were absolutely traumatised.
DH had apparently become very angry with Boo, and his anger lasted all weekend. He accused him of “trying to make him look dumb”… (not a difficult feat, I should add)… by talking to him in a condescending tone. This led to a 2-day long rant about how Boo is just like me, and that DH doesn’t have favourites, but that Toto is obedient and polite while Boo is defiant and rude, and therefore he finds Toto easier to deal with.
Interestingly enough, this is the exact opposite of how the boys behave in my house. Toto is a full-on TEENAGER. His tone is rude by default and the selective deafness is incredibly annoying. Boo is still in the last gasp of boy-hood. Both are still affectionate and predominantly polite. And, needless to say, none of this effects my unconditional love for them.
The biggest thing that upset Boo was about his soccer registration.
I wrote here about how DH had gone back on his word and did not pay Boo’s soccer fees. The drama that ensued from that was ugly and embarrassing. DH took it to the soccer club and told them that he would not pay the fees.
Of course, I ended up paying them. And of course, DH has not paid Child Support either.
DH said to Boo… “Your Mother is angry because I changed my mind about paying the soccer fees. Everyone is allowed to change their mind. Your mother is a controlling b*tch.”
I had to count backwards from 10 before I even opened my mouth to respond.
And of course I had to tell my children that “changing your mind” after saying that you will do something is not right. If you do “change your mind” you need to discuss it with the person whom you have made the commitment to. And if it’s a financial commitment, and you owe somebody money, changing your mind about paying is actually illegal.
This is the same man who defended his not admitting to his infidelity when I asked him by saying “I did the right thing. You would have been upset, and so I was protecting you by not telling you the truth”.
Sick. Twisted. Totally ego-centric.
Oh.. and apparently he’s been acting in TV commercials. Great. He’s got 3 national ads coming up, and was an extra in a tv show this evening (which we did NOT watch).
So now I have to see him on the telly. SO NOT FAIR.
Still, the Child Support Agency will have to believe me if I record the ads and give it to them as evidence of his income. He told Toto that he has earned $18,000 from his acting so far.
He also told both boys that I am damaging them, as they have gotten to an age where they need to be raised by a man. “Your mother is not a man, and your grandfather is too old” he said. “You can’t see that you need me to be your primary carer, but when you are older and don’t know how to behave properly as men, you will see that your mother damaged you by keeping you from me.”
*oh god I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or vomit*
He still hasn’t congratulated Boo for getting into the Academic Extension programme at a local high school. “Oh” was the best that he could do.
And when Boo told his that we had also had an interview at Toto’s school, and that Boo has been offered a place there too… another “oh”.
He would never DREAM of asking Boo what he wanted to do. He truly thinks that Boo is too young to have an opinion about his secondary education.
Boo is trying to make the decision himself, with some help from me. We’re writing lots of “pros and cons” lists.
Whichever way we go there will be problems. If he goes to the local school, DH will call the lawyers and say that I made the decision without consulting him. If he chooses Toto’s school, DH will refuse the pay the school fees.
DH has ignored every email or text from me since the beginning of the soccer registration debacle. Oh except one very charming email calling me sexist and x-rated names.
Consult on our second child’s secondary education?
If I thought he was capable of putting Boo’s future and best interests first, then maybe. As it is, there is no point.
Boo is able to discuss it with him if he wants. He doesn’t want to.
Instead, he discusses it with me.
The woman who is “damaging” him because she is not a man.
Brilliant.
Phew. I think all my new political “friends” have moved on to more rancid pastures.
In fact, from the state of my stats, most of my REAL friends might have moved on too! Stats are such funny things. I’m never quite sure what to make of them.
If I have 300+ people reading my blog everyday, I almost go into panic mode. I’m so sure that I can’t entertain or amuse that many people.
Crazily, I’m happier when my blog stats are between 100 and 200. Which goes against the grain in this day and age of SEO manipulation.
I’m spending hours and hours trying to improve the SEO rating of my photography blog. It’s insanely frustrating, but, apparently, it’s absolutely necessary in order to appear reasonably near the top of a search of photographers in my area.
*sigh*
I’m not enjoying it.
I’m LOVING the “making pictures” aspect of my job. But, like life, you have to take the good with the bad.
There’s been lots of good and bad in my life lately.
The bad… huge fights with DH over Boo’s soccer registration and uniform. Really awful ones.
The also bad… a falling out with my dear ill friend.
I’m devastated by this. She became very maternal and judgemental and harsh towards me, and I turned to jelly.
I was so shocked.
So, she thinks that everything is okay because she’s said all that she wanted to say, and I’m feeling judged and ill-treated and frustrated because I was too shocked and emotional to say my piece at the time.
It’s not fun.
But in amongst this stuff has been some fantastic news…
Boo was accepted into the Academic Extension program for next year (high school) at an incredibly good school near us. He sat an exam for this a month or so ago, and we weren’t holding our breath as places are few and far between. I think something like 1 in 10 get accepted into the program.
Well, I most definitely underestimated my youngest son’s academic ability (I didn’t really… I know he’s frighteningly brainiacal (!), but I did not want to risk disappointment). He’s thrilled, especially because he has not wanted to go to Toto’s high school. He’s not thrilled, however, because his father is insisting that he attend Toto’s school.
I think lawyers may become involved. Shoot.
I have lots of pics to show you… but I’m going to leave you with this one…
My parents… after 50 years of marriage. (Oops… Make that 52 years of marriage!)
*awwww*
xoxox
Remember how the last time I had to go to Family Court, my Mum fell over in the morning and broke her pelvis, vertebrae and a couple of ribs?
Well, this time I fell over. In the bathroom. Flat on my back. And landed on my elbow.
I was winded and in pain. But it was my poor Mum who needed calming down. She thought I’d done some serious damage to myself and was absolutely distraught.
After a few minutes, when the shock had worn off, I realised that it was only my elbow that was in serious pain, so, with no time to spare I took some panadol and got in a Taxi and went on my way.
It’s been throbbing painfully all day, and when the mediation was over, I went and got it x-rayed. Nothing is broken (although my GP is convinced that the radiographer must have missed it). But it’s still pretty bruised and sore. And will be in a sling for at least a couple of days (typing is S L O W).
And really, if you’re looking for good news you’d better stop reading now. That was the high point of my day.
It’s off to Family Court again for us. (insert sound of $10,000 – $20,000 burning here)
The Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) and I were very clear about what would be “in the best interests of the children”.
It’s about talking with the children, listening to what they want, weighing up the pros and cons of all possible outcomes, factoring in their ages and their past relationships with both parents, and then working out what would cause them the least stress and the most happiness.
Am I right?
The ICL and I agreed 100% that the best interests of the children would be served by having them spend Wednesday afternoon until 7.30pm, and every second Friday and Saturday night with their father. Returning home at 7.30pm on the Sunday night. The ICL spent a lot of time talking about how QUALITY time has nothing to do with QUANTITY of time. She made a lot of sense, and spoke articulately and kindly to DH.
This would allow them to have the “fun” times with their dad without the horrible stressful ANGRY times that they have when homework, schedules, uniforms, instruments, breakfast, school lunches and strict bedtimes are involved. She emphasised how much the boys “love” their fun times with their Dad. She tried to make it sound like a positive outcome for everyone.
This would mean that the current situation would remain as is, with the exception of the Sunday nights.
The boys have been too scared to tell their father what they wanted, and so they each wrote him a letter last night. Which I gave to him prior to the mediation today.
Boo’s letter:
“Dad,
I really don’t want to go to your place on Sunday nights or anything else. Things were good before. I don’t like how you have people over basically every time. I don’t like the Monday mornings because you are always grumpy and and yelling at us. And when we’re all ready you aren’t.
Boo
PS. We were going to tell you this, but you had Katie in the car.”
Toto’s letter:
“Dad,
I don’t want to have Wednesday to Monday because it will not work for my situation with my gear e.g. my air league uniform, my trombone, my school books, and my sport/normal school uniform.
Also Monday mornings are very annoying because you are stressed and i usually get to school with not enough time to get organised.
But I do want every second weekend from Friday and go home to Mum at 7.30 on Sunday like it used to be. And I want Wednesday afternoons still.
Toto”
Well… They may as well not have written a word. In fact, they may as well be rag-dolls with no opinion or even an entitlement to an opinion.
DH was…. well…. DH doesn’t seem a strong enough acronym for him anymore. Dick Head. Deeply Horrible. Disgustingly Hedonistic. Doesnotdeservetobe Here. Yep, that last one feels better. Any better and more appropriate suggestions?
Where was I?
Oh yeah. DH was immovable. And SO incredibly uncaring and insensitive to anyone’s needs but his own.
And not caring what he does to get his own way.
For example, when asked about his past contact with the boys, he said..
“When their mother was INSTITUTIONALISED.. I had Toto every Sunday for two hours….(blah blah)” (the emphasis is his)
Yep, he’s trying to prove me an unfit mother.
3 months in a mother-baby post-natal ward of a psych hospital with severe post-natal depression THIRTEEN YEARS AGO because my beloved husband walked out on our marriage leaving me with a 9 month old son and another in my belly… oh… because he was screwing an air hostess…
Oh my god I was upset. I actually said almost the exact sentence above out loud… to which DH said “I was not screwing an air hostess” and the mediator called for a break.
Not to be dismissed, his lawyer (yep, CF again) started off with “We have grave concerns about the mother’s medical situation. We understand she is on anti-depressants and has been for years.”
Oh God.. I don’t think I can write all this up. It’s so upsetting.
I’ll summarise… (my responses in italics)
DH wants to increase his custody by 1 night every school term until he has 50/50 shared parenting. (He left the boys 13 years ago. And before this litigation began last year, he had never ONCE asked for more than every second weekend in the intervening years. In my educated (because I lived with the man for 8 years and I am witness to his relationship with his children) opinion, he is doing this PURELY to remove all future child support obligations)
DH is gravely concerned about the way that I am raising the children. They are “mollycoddled”.. and his evidence of this is that they refuse to walk to his local shops unaccompanied. DH is gravely concerned about the boys’ inability to cope with his “grumpiness” in the mornings. He said that every parent yells at their children when they are getting them ready for school, and the fact that the boys are unhappy about this is evidence of the inappropriate parenting that they are receiving in my house. ( Ummmmm….. HE LIVES IN KINGS CROSS!! They see junkies shooting up in his back lane! The walk to his local supermarket requires passing 3 strip-clubs, and the attached bouncers. The boys have been walking to and from my house to their school unaccompanied for the past 3.5 years. Toto catches public transport in and out of the city for school every day, and both boys think nothing of walking to our local shops by themselves. Need I say more? And I don’t yell at them in the mornings! At my house they’re quite independent in the mornings and have no problems leaving for school on time. Oh, DH also stated that Toto wasn’t toilet trained until HE DID IT! This is insulting, ridiculous and totally designed to be inflammatory.)
DH wants Boo to attend one of 5 incredibly expensive Private Schools, but thinks that I should pay for the first 2 years and he should pay 50% for the following years because he has been “spending so much money on the boys lately”. (WHAT MONEY?!?! Jeez. This one is a killer. Especially because I was told that I couldn’t bring up anything related to Child Support. But he can bring THIS up? Well, it ain’t happening. Boo does not want to go to any of the 5 schools that DH listed. And, I’m sorry, but DH has crippled me financially with his litigiousness, and the judge in the financial hearing crippled me financially by wiping the child support debt, so I’m supposed to pay $25,000 per annum school fees with WHAT? What I DID say was “I am absolutely unable to afford any of the schools that DH has chosen for Boo, and Boo has no interest in attending them, which DH would know if he had ever discussed this with Boo. “)
DH is not going to continue to pay Toto’s school fees. He thinks that I should pay the next 2 years in full, and that he should pay 50% of the fees for each year after that. ( This, and the point before, was brought up in DH’s “private session” with his lawyer and the mediator. When the Mediator presented it to me, and I said “But DH has signed documents with Toto’s school stating that he will pay 100% of the school fees (approx $1,300 per annum)! I am completely unwilling to change this situation, especially as the Child Support Agency said that they thought that this was fair and that it should not effect my Child Support”. The mediator said “So you would take Toto out of a school that he loves rather than pay his school fees? (in an outraged voice). I was too shocked to respond brilliantly… but in retrospect I should have said “It would be DH taking him out of the school by changing the already agreed upon arrangements. I am happy to leave him there under the current arrangements. My actions would not be changing anything.” But I didn’t, and I could tell by her expression that the mediator will include my “putting money before my children’s welfare” in her report to the family court judge. Bugger. )
DH wants the two of us to attend counselling in order to learn how to communicate and co-parent. DH wanted it known that I have been unwilling in the past to do this with him. DH wants me to pay 50% of the cost of this. (This one is particularly painful to me, as for years… YEARS… I asked DH to attend counselling with me in order to best communicate and co-parent as divorced parents. He flat-out refused. And now he’s implying that I have been the unwilling party to this? Of course, all I could say was “Yes, I am prepared to do this”)
DH wants the boys to attend counselling. He wants me to pay 50% of this too. (When, early last year, I took the boys to a Child and Family Psychologist to give them a “safe” place to talk about all of this stuff, DH and his lawyer brought it up as a way that I was trying to manipulate the children, and forbade me to take the boys to see her more than once. I had, of course, told DH about it before I took the children along. He didn’t think to object until his lawyer gave him the idea. And now, of course, it’s his brilliant idea. I did mention that I would only be happy to pay for 50% of this if he paid for 50% of Boo’s speech pathologist and Toto’s tutor. I was given no response to that. I was looked at again as though I was placing more emphasis on money than on my children’s emotional well-being. Oh the irony in that. It’s all very well and good to organise all of these things, but when you simply DO NOT HAVE income or money to pay for them… what do you do?)
Some other issues raised… I said that the Family Court Counsellor’s report, done over a year ago, suggested strongly that DH should attend parenting classes, and that extra time with the children was NOT in their best interests. I said that DH had made no attempt to attend parenting classes, and, instead, blamed all of his difficulties with the children on the way that I was parenting them. I requested that DH attend parenting classes. He agreed to this. (yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it too!)
DH’s lawyer suggested that I should buy a duplicate set of all of Toto’s school / sport and air league uniforms, and trombone, and cricket gear and school books as this would resolve all the issues. The ICL and I both refuted this and reminded her that the boys’ objections were about much more than uniforms etc. I also *gulped* internally because this would be about $10,ooo worth of stuff.
His lawyer said again and AGAIN that she had concerns about “the wife’s mental stability”. I have never felt so mentally unstable, if feeling mentally unstable is feeling as though you would like to grab a big heavy object and heave it towards your ex-husbands’ lawyer’s head. Hmmm. Perhaps she is RIGHT to be concerned.
Oh PUCK (as Boo would say and would get away with).
There’s heaps more. Obviously.
But the gist is that DH requested lots of things and because he went first EVERY TIME we were asked to speak (that was pretty slack of the mediator – she’s supposed to ensure that we take turns) I was “responding” and “reacting” and did not have an opportunity to do anything other than defend myself and my parenting.
Good thing the ICL was totally on our side with the custody arrangements.
So, now it’s another year or so until we get a date in court. Actually, I’m hoping it’s more than a year. If the boys were 14 and 13, there is no way a judge would do anything other than what they wanted. Or, if it all went to hell in a handbasket, there is NO WAY anyone would enforce a parenting order with kids of that age.
And you know, with everything that’s happened to me so far, I’m not exactly optimistic.
********
The absolutely most HORRENDOUS thing that I learned today had nothing to do with our parenting case.
My lawyer told me that she is representing someone who is in exactly the same situation as DH was in our financial hearing. This time the case is being heard by a female judge, and the female judge is disgusted with the man’s application to remove all of the unpaid child support debt.
My lawyer is using MY CASE as precedent… in order to force the judge to seriously consider removing the debt.
MY CASE. AS PRECEDENT.
Used as a tool to remove unpaid child support debts for other scum-bag dead-beat DH fathers.
I.AM.SICK.OVER.THIS.
SICK.
My poor lawyer obviously dislikes the position that she’s in. Which is why she told me. She has no choice over her clients (she’s a partner in a large firm). And she has to do her best for them. And she is sick about this too.
********
If you’re still reading, well, then obviously you’re a good friend.
I need cheering up.
I need reminding that this situation IS wrong and horrific and that DH and his lawyer are OUTRAGEOUSLY misguided.
Because when you spend all day listening to it, it’s almost impossible to believe that something so outrageous is presented so seriously. You start to buy into their conviction. Or at least that they might get their way.
I still have a WISH that our family law system has some fairness to it. Even though I know from experience that it doesn’t.
I can’t read back over this before pressing “publish”. So there are probably grammatical and spelling mistakes. Sorry.
Thanks for all the wonderful bloggy-love last night. You have no idea how much it helped me.
xox
… jiggity jig.
…………………… and despite a couple of sunburned shoulders (mine), all is well.
********
Toto and Boo both went back to school this morning.
Boo could barely contain his excitement at seeing his friends again.
Toto could barely contain his anxiety at the prospect of a change of teachers, classrooms and being away from me.
********
Missed you all. The 800+ posts in my Google Reader are quite daunting. Please understand if my commenting is a bit on the slow side.
It’s good to be back.
xoxo
Things are pretty busy around here.
I’m grateful that I’m over the last DH dilemma. Thanks again, Internetz. You really were awesome.
No, it’s all about the end of the school year and the beginning of the first holidays in which DH is going to have the boys for half of the time.
He’s never had them for more than a week at a time in the past. Except when he took them to Canada, and even then, he dumped them with some friends on Vancouver Island and went off travelling on his own.
But now that we’re taking the Interim Court Orders literally, he is insisting on having them for the 20 days that constitute the first half of the holidays.
And the boys are panicking.
I’ve sent DH an email telling him that I’ve willing to have the boys during the week if he is working. He replied with “I’m not planning to work, but if I do, I will keep that in mind.”.
Fingers crossed.
********
Toto is improving unbelievably with his trombone playing.
Year 7 had a musical concert of their own last week, and Toto performed in 8 separate groups! He was far and beyond the most outstanding player, and was confident and steady all the way through.
He’s been begging me for a new trombone for nearly a year now. He’s been using a “Yamaha Student Trombone” for the past 5 years, and has well and truly outgrown it.
The problem is, the trombone that he wanted starts at about AU$5,500.
Gulp.
Last week, his trombone teacher emailed me to let me know that he had organised a special deal, just for Toto, at a Woodwind shop that he frequents. The object of Toto’s desire could be his for just AU$1990.
It really was too good to pass up, so I bought it. DH has emailed me that he will pay half, but then again, pigs might fly.
In the meantime, Toto is in AGONY knowing that the trombone is in the building (it’s hidden in my Mum’s closet) and that he can’t play it!!
Roll on Christmas.
********
My Mum had a bone scan today which revealed that her pubic bone has not healed.
This is terrible, but not surprising, news.
She’s been ordered back to bed rest.
Yeah. Good luck with that one!
********
“She” is much better!! Finally, finally, finally!
She’s still in the hospital, but has a possible release date of next Wednesday.
I can’t tell you how much of a relief this is. She’s been frighteningly, dangerously ill and in hospital for over 8 weeks now.
But she’s turned a corner.
********
Just because…
Boo…
Tonight was the End of Year Music Concert at Toto’s school.
It’s Wednesday, so DH had the boys after school. Toto stayed at school to rehearse, and DH took Boo out for dinner.
I went to the school, found myself a seat in the Hall, and then DH and Boo came in and DH sat next to Boo who sat next to me.
*shudder*
He got up to talk to some other parents who are old friends, and Boo told me that he was really uncomfortable with both of us there together. I told him that I was too, and that I thought it was pretty inappropriate for his father to sit with us. (It was after 7pm, so the boys were officially on my watch.)
DH came back to sit with us and the concert started.
He stinks. A combination of garlic and b.o.. Ugggh.
I couldn’t focus. I put my arm around Boo’s shoulders and DH leaned against my hand.
I swear he was doing it intentionally.
So…
*gulp*
… I said… “DH, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to sit with me. I’m not comfortable with it.”
DH: “I’m not sitting next to you. I’m sitting next to Boo.”
Me: “Boo is pretty uncomfortable with it too.”
DH: “Yeah right! For God’s sake! I’m only here until 8.30! What’s your problem?”
(It was 7.15pm)
Me: “If you are unwilling to move seats, then I will.”
DH: “Why do you have to make everything a drama?”
Me: “I don’t think it’s appropriate to sit next to me while you’re taking me to Court.”
DH: “Oh Christ! *evilsniggerlaugh* Where do you suggest that I go?” (The Hall was only 3/4′s full).
Me: “You could sit with your friends in the row behind”
DH: “Fine. Grow Up (mumbled).”
He whispered something to Boo and then climbed over the chairs to the row behind, where he laughed with his friends about it. These people were my friends too… way back when. I felt pretty uncomfortable.
Boo was obviously extremely uncomfortable, and I asked him to tell me what was wrong.
Boo: “I’ll tell you later.”
We watched the concert. Toto was in three bands… including the Jazz Band… and it was incredibly good. He was even mentioned in the Headmasters’ speech because he’s the only Year 7 in the Jazz Band.
DH left right on 8.30. Before the Jazz Band performed.
And Boo was sulking.
I asked him again to tell me what was wrong.
Boo: “I was embarrassed. Why did you have to tell him that I was uncomfortable with him sitting here?”
Me: “Because you told me that you were. And because I am sick of everyone not standing up to your Dad. I feel good about telling him that we were uncomfortable.. but I’m sorry if it embarrassed you.”
Boo: “It wasn’t that. Just before he moved to the row behind, he asked me if I minded him sitting here.”
Me: “What did you say?”
Boo: “I ignored him.”
********
I felt like a piece of shit. I felt that I had put my discomfort before Boo’s feelings.
Although another part of me is proud for standing up for myself.
We discussed it on the way home. Toto was really pissed off that his Dad hadn’t stayed to hear the Jazz Band. He also said he thought it was wrong of his Dad to sit next to me. Boo agreed.
That’s when I realised that it was the first time in over 5 years that Boo had witnessed an actual real-life conversation between his mum and his dad.
Poor kid.
No wonder he felt awful.
Still.
********
What would you have done?
Dear {Fe},
From the position of Year Seven there are a number of things for you to know:-
1. The boys who’s excursion fees were not paid were told as a whole to
remind their Parents.
2. Nothing will be EVER done to make {Toto} ever feel in fear or intimidated.
3. Please do NOT worry about this fee. {Toto} will have all the excursions
the same as anyone else.
4. You have enough problems without this worry so please be assured that
{Toto} will be alright from this end.
Hope everything else is well with you.
{first name of Year 7 Co-ordinator}
********
Thank you {first name of Year 7 Co-ordinator}.
{Toto} was so upset when he came home. Just the idea that his Dad isn’t paying the fees for a school that he loves SO much was enough to fill him with sadness and confusion.
Thank you again for the reassurance.
Kind regards,
{Fe}
UPDATED to add:
Toto came home from school feeling very relieved and happy. The Year 7 Co-ordinator took him aside today and told him that he never EVER has to worry about school fees, money or excursions ever again. He reassured him that his place in the school is secure, and that he won’t be involving him in any further discussions regarding fees.
What a gem!
Dear {first name of Year 7 Co-ordinator},
As you know, {Toto}’s father, {DH}, signed papers agreeing to pay 100% of {Toto}’s school fees. This includes excursions and extras.
As you also know, {Toto}’s father is taking me through Family Court and has already won his application to remove his financial debt to me.
He has not paid any child support since April of this year.
I am telling you this because {Toto} has just told me that you have told him that {DH} has not paid the {school name}’s school fees, and that, unless {Toto} takes $20 to school tomorrow, he will not be able to attend next weeks’ excursions. This happened 2 weeks ago for the amount of $5 which I paid.
{Toto} sees his father on Wednesday nights, and therefore is unable to ask him for the money before tomorrow. He is also terrified of his father, and his fathers’ anger around financial issues, and, understandably given the current situation, will not ask his father for money.
I think it should be up to the {school name}’s accounts department to chase {DH} for the school fees. Failing that, his sister could be asked to remind her brother of his financial obligations to the school. As a last resort, I should be contacted about this issue. Under no circumstances should {Toto} be asked to intervene in this matter.
It is incredibly upsetting to me that I am put in the position where, with no child support and with huge ongoing legal fees, I am asked to pay money to the school when {DH} has signed forms legally binding him to be responsible for 100% of the fees.
I have reminded {DH} of his obligation, via text, and he has informed me that he will pay the fees by the end of the week.
I would expect that {Toto} and I not be involved in issues surrounding fees in the future, and that all discussions and communications on this topic are with his father.
Kind regards,
{Fe}
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A note for all my northern hemisphere readers: Our school year begins in February, and finishes in 2 weeks. DH is about, oh, 10 months overdue with the fees.
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Happy END of NaBloPoMo!! Phew!! xoxo
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