Photography

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Phew… glad that’s over…

August 20, 2010 in Bloggy Stuff, Boo, Photography, Toto, depression, friendship, opinion, political by Fe | 4 comments

My tax stuff is with the Accountant. I’ve missed the deadline, but will have 100% accurate data to send them next week.

You know, lovely and good things are happening too. I feel I should share some of them with you (as you are all so wonderful and supportive when I tell you about the tough times).

I’ve had quite a few photography jobs lately… so I’m getting there slowly but surely. I am currently 3/4 way through a ten week evening course in Lighting and it is SO exciting to be able to chart my own progression and to see the improvement in my photographs.

I’m second shooting at a very glamorous wedding next weekend. This is an unpaid gig… but well worth it for portfolio pictures… especially as it’s on Bondi Beach and will be absolutely stunning.

I haven’t been commenting or reading other blogs, simply because I haven’t had the time. I promise I’ll get back to it soon… I’m sorry if you’re a blog-writer that’s been commenting here and hearing NOTHING back from me! I hope you understand.

Toto is 6ft tall. I know!!!! He’s a real teenager, but still so affectionate and lovely (when the hormones aren’t causing him to groan and mumble like a big skinny gorilla). Boo, newly twelve, is trying on some new behaviours and attitudes. Ahhh puberty!

My dear ill friend is doing really well. We’re both so busy that we really don’t get together as often as we used to, but we’re still in close contact.

We’ve got a Federal Election here on Saturday. It’s been quite an effort for me to refrain from becoming political here on my blog.

Needless to say, somebody not very deserving will win. And, because I happen to live in the Opposition Leader’s electorate, and I won’t be voting for him, my vote won’t do much good at all. Ah well.

So.. how are YOU?

xoxo

Court on Thursday…

July 20, 2010 in Boo, Photography, Toto, family court, friendship by Fe | 5 comments

… although it may just be a directional hearing. I’m really not sure. My head is well and truly in the sand.

Last Sunday my boys and I, and some very good friends, went to the Sydney Biennale Art Exhibition on Cockatoo Island… an island in the middle of our beautiful harbour.

It was a glorious day and we really enjoyed the exhibition, and spending time with our friends. The only downside was the horrendous wait for the ferry to get on and off the island… and the HUGE amount of people who quite brazenly jumped the queue!! We were waiting for well over an hour to leave the island, and tempers flared when people pushed in. I was just so shocked, and saddened, that people could be so rude.

Anyway.. here’s my favourite pic from the day….

Toto and his best friend are only 3 days apart in age. Toto has just hit 5’11″ (181cms) though… and his friend has a way to go to catch up!!

Me again…

July 14, 2010 in Photography, depression by Fe | 10 comments

Yes, I’m still here.

I’m muffled. Stumbling. Not quite present. Not quite clear.

Bloody mental illness.

I “should” be fine.

Am doing quite a lot of photography… keeping me busy and not-thinking.

Wish I was getting paid for it though.

I need a business manager. Someone to get me the work and set the prices.

I miss being here.

Here’s something to make you smile…

Isn’t she delicious?

Still here…

July 3, 2010 in Photography, Toto, depression by Fe | 14 comments

Some days are okay. Most are a bit wonky. But I’m putting one put in front of the other and I’m still here.

And this is half of the reason why…

Even my spammers have lost interest…

June 11, 2010 in Bloggy Stuff, Boo, DH, Photography, Toto, depression, family court, work by Fe | 19 comments

Well, I guess that’s what happens when you ignore your own blog for more than 2 weeks.

*tsk*tsk*

BlogHer has “let me go” too. But that was because I unintentionally broke the rules when I wrote my sponsored Honda post. Fair enough, I guess.

So, if you’re still reading, you’re a good friend.

Or a die-hard.

Things are difficult.

I am SO BORED with writing that sentence.

I’ve been incredibly busy… I went off to Melbourne for a Photographic Exhibition (of the product and suppliers kind as well as the “Photos on the Wall” kind)… am working up to 60 hours a week getting my business off the ground… am struggling with a bulging disc in my back… and with the stress and depression that comes hand in hand with an impending day in Family Court.

The boys seem to be coping well. I’ve got my head in the sand. And it’s going to stay there.

Sorry. I know that doesn’t sound good. But it’s the only way that I can survive this.

So I plan to come back to this, my safe and supportive place.

But please bear with me while I just take one moment at a time.

Not so good…

May 29, 2010 in Air League, Boo, Child Support, DH, Photography, Toto, depression, family court by Fe | 15 comments

The photography job was fantastic. 14 hours of amazing.

But that was only one day.

The rest of it has been hard.

REALLY hard.

Kids really caught in the middle – kind of hard.

Things that send me from normal to crazy in 2 seconds – kind of hard.

Typical DH cruel and abusive treatment of me and the boys – kind of hard.

Stuff I want to forget, so I won’t put here – kind of hard.

But I will say… remember how DH wouldn’t pay Boo’s soccer fees? Well, when Toto asked him for money for an Air League camp… he gave him half ON THE SPOT. Told him to get his mother to pay for the other half, of course, but actually gave him money.

Poor Boo INSTANTLY saw it as another display of favouritism. Which it is.

He’s stopped paying Child Support and has told me that he cannot afford it and will be applying for another Change of Assessment.

This during a period where he has filmed at least 4 national advertisements and 3 print jobs (oh yes, he’s a model with an agent now). Anyone want to hazard a guess as to how much all of that is worth? Anything from $12K to $100K depending upon duration of campaign and whether he spoke or not.

So, I have applied for a Change of Assessment with the CSA. Although god knows how I will cope with that on top of the legal stuff currently going on.

Wish me luck.

What a week. Sheesh…

May 21, 2010 in DH, Photography, depression, family court by Fe | 10 comments

I can’t pretend that I’ve coped well with the latest legal news.

In fact, I’ve really come close to absolutely NOT coping. For all of my experience with this, I just could not see how I was going to make it through this horror once again.

So, for a few days, I let it all be “too much”.

And I’m telling you all so that you don’t think I’m an amazing woman who copes with all the crap that gets sent my way.

I really sometimes DON’T cope.

But for every dark moment, there’s a light moment. Usually not in equal proportion, of course! Yesterday I was asked to be a photographer at a significant event on the Sydney calendar.

I’ve been following this phenomenon for years now. And tomorrow is the first event of it’s kind to be held in Sydney.

And I’ll be there, hiding behind my camera gear, hoping I know exactly who’s who.

Wish me luck!

Hullo it’s me, I’m back!!…

May 16, 2010 in Boo, Child Support, DH, Dad, Photography, Toto, friendship by Fe | 20 comments

oh my gawd….

Under legal advice, I sent DH an email asking him if he had any preferences about Boo’s high school education…

No reply.

Two days later I sent another email.

No reply.

Boo is still stuck… He simply can’t make up his mind.

And, 4 days after I sent his father an email asking him whether he gives a **** about his youngest son’s secondary education, no reply.

But that I could have predicted.

You know what’s really pissing me off right now?

I’m pissed off with friends and family who do not stop to consider that I raise my boys on ZERO INCOME.

Friends and family who KNOW that I receive no Child Support from DH. And that I have a HUGE debt with my father for rent and legal fees.

And yet they seriously do not treat my photography business as anything more than a hobby. And they expect me to give everything away to them. And they also treat me as though I have money to burn.

Seriously…. I feel that I have to spell this out….

I have no husband at home bringing in an income to pay my rent.

I receive no Child Support to pay my rent or to pay for school fees or excursions extras or to buy my children food or clothes or to put petrol in my car.

Nothing.

And every time I borrow money to support my family I am adding to a debt which I have no way of paying other than earning money MYSELF. I have no superannuation. I have no savings. I have nothing.

AND… I am working 80+ hours a week building a photography business.

Please consider that.

Sorry to push this on my friends and readers who don’t treat me like a millionaire.

But I did need to put this out there.

The era of me being a pushover is over.

I am putting my boys and myself first.

You (irl friends and family who take advantage of me) can all take a solid second.

And it’s about bloody time (if I do say so myself).

Weekend fail…

May 8, 2010 in Boo, DH, Fe, Photography, Toto, friendship by Fe | 7 comments

I had SO many plans for this weekend.

I had a friend from Melbourne visiting last night, had booked 2 days of a photography seminar AND had a 40th birthday to go to tonight.

Which are SERIOUS plans in my neck of the woods.

Last night was so cool. This lovely friend is Boo’s godfather, and has been living in China and the US for the last 4 years. I hadn’t seen him since my trip to Beijing over 2 years ago. It was heaven to just sit and talk solidly for a few hours. Only hampered by his 9.40pm flight back to Melbourne.

But, sod’s law being the rule of my life, I woke up this morning with a migraine. A really not fun one (not that I’ve ever heard of a “fun” migraine) that kept me home from my seminar (which REALLY erked me as it was not free) and struggling with computer screens and telephones.

I finally gave into it, hoping that I would be able to recover in time for the 40th (I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve been invited to a swish do), but it was not to be.

I’m only just able to put up with the computer screen now.

And if I’m still feeling this way in the morning, I will not be attending day 2 of the photography seminar.

The only bright spot? The court order states that I must have the boys from 9 – 5 on Mothers Day. DH, as we all know, ignores the court orders that he spends the big bucks getting, so the “plan” is that they come home at 5pm and stay the night with me.

So, really, as long as the migraine is gone by then….

PS. RIP “Papa Max”. You were a bright spot in my boys’ childhood, and a wise and kind paternal figure to me. You will be so missed.