NaBloPoMo

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A letter to Toto’s school…

November 30, 2009 in Child Support, DH, NaBloPoMo, School, Toto, family court by Fe | 13 comments

Dear {first name of Year 7 Co-ordinator},

As you know, {Toto}’s father, {DH}, signed papers agreeing to pay 100% of {Toto}’s school fees. This includes excursions and extras.

As you also know, {Toto}’s father is taking me through Family Court and has already won his application to remove his financial debt to me.

He has not paid any child support since April of this year.

I am telling you this because {Toto} has just told me that you have told him that {DH} has not paid the {school name}’s school fees, and that, unless {Toto} takes $20 to school tomorrow, he will not be able to attend next weeks’ excursions. This happened 2 weeks ago for the amount of $5 which I paid.

{Toto} sees his father on Wednesday nights, and therefore is unable to ask him for the money before tomorrow. He is also terrified of his father, and his fathers’ anger around financial issues, and, understandably given the current situation, will not ask his father for money.

I think it should be up to the {school name}’s accounts department to chase {DH} for the school fees. Failing that, his sister could be asked to remind her brother of his financial obligations to the school. As a last resort, I should be contacted about this issue. Under no circumstances should {Toto} be asked to intervene in this matter.

It is incredibly upsetting to me that I am put in the position where, with no child support and with huge ongoing legal fees, I am asked to pay money to the school when {DH} has signed forms legally binding him to be responsible for 100% of the fees.

I have reminded {DH} of his obligation, via text, and he has informed me that he will pay the fees by the end of the week.

I would expect that {Toto} and I not be involved in issues surrounding fees in the future, and that all discussions and communications on this topic are with his father.

Kind regards,

{Fe}

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A note for all my northern hemisphere readers: Our school year begins in February, and finishes in 2 weeks. DH is about, oh, 10 months overdue with the fees.

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Happy END of NaBloPoMo!! Phew!! xoxo

Well thank goodness the weekend is over…

November 29, 2009 in Dad, NaBloPoMo, Toto, friendship, home, random by Fe | 3 comments

Sometimes, not often, but definitely sometimes, my weekends are SO hectic that I need a weekend to get over them.

This one was one of those.

Yesterday was filled with running Toto and Boo around to parties and friends, and picking “her” up from hospital and taking her home, before spending TWO HOURS getting ready for a family wedding.

Yep. TWO HOURS!!

It’s because I’m out of practice. Shamefully out of practice! I rarely wear makeup, and my hair only ever says hullo to a hairdryer when I visit the hairdressers. And my legs… let’s not go there .

So yesterday I did the big transformation. This involved:

shaving my legs

finding and putting in contact lenses

putting on makeup

washing and straightening my hair

finding something in my wardrobe that still fits and could be considered “formal”.

*sigh*

My hat is off to all women who do this stuff every day.

It’s absolutely bloody exhausting!

Anyhoo… where was I?

Oh yeah. The wedding.

It was lovely. I cried. But I had to stay sober in order to drive my Dad home so I didn’t cry as much as I would have if someone else had been driving.

And then I was up at sparrow’s fart this morning for another lovely photoshoot with an incredibly fun and gorgeous family…

… before collecting my boys, racing home for the annual “Christmas Drinks on the Lawn” that the Body Corporate of my building organises, racing to friends’ for a b-b-q, and then coming home and collapsing for 5 minutes while the boys carried on as though their entire world depended on being “RIGHT” and making their brother “WRONG”.

Now they’re in bed. I’m processing photos. And I’m exhausted.

I need a weekend to recover.

How was YOUR weekend?

I will not fail at NaBloPoMo…

November 28, 2009 in NaBloPoMo by Fe | 2 comments

I won’t.

But I can promise you that, if it was not for NaBloPoMo, I would not be posting tonight.

Because, to put it simply, I have nothing to say!

See you tomorrow!

xox

The Cast of Characters…

November 27, 2009 in Air League, Boo, Child Support, DH, Dad, Mum, NaBloPoMo, Toto, depression, family, family court, friendship, home, post-natal depression by Fe | 5 comments

My newest commenter, Sara, asked me the following question:

“I always long for a “cast of characters” when reading a new blog and i checked your about section and wasn’t given much information i am lost reading some of your posts, wondering who is who and maybe once i read back a bit more, i’ll figure it all out. but that’s what my question is, i guess! who are the most important people in your life and what is your relationship to them?”

I thrilled with this question, as I have never stopped to think how confusing this blog can be to new readers.

So, here is my “Cast of Characters”…

Toto:

… my 12 year old first born son. His passion is flying, and he has joined the Australian Air League and plans to have his pilots’ license before his drivers’ license. He struggled through primary school… surrounded by teachers with low-expectations of him and an idea of himself as “not bright”. Now that he’s in High School, he is surrounded by teachers who admire and appreciate him, and his grades have soared to the point where he is consistently at or very near the top of his class. He now knows that the world is his oyster, and he is a delightfully confident child in all things academic. Sadly, he is anxious in all matters relating to his father.

Toto was 9 months old when his father left us.

Boo:

Boo is my 11 year old son. He is bright and funny and brings humour to our daily lives. Schoolwork has always been easy for Boo, and his main focus is his social life. He’s such a happy-go-lucky boy, except on issues relating to his father. Both Toto and Boo agree that DH favours Toto, and Boo often comes home from overnight visits with a broken heart.

Boo was not born when his father left us.

DH:

DH (Dick Head, not Dear Husband) is my ex-husband.

Some of our story is here on my old blog.

The rest of it is chronicled on this blog.

He’s litigious and mean and I wish that he would move far far away so that my boys could grow up with peace and security.

As it is, he is currently taking us through the Family Court in an attempt to have the boys live with him 50% of the time. Neither boy wants this, and DH has even been advised by the family court counselor that it would be damaging for the children for him to pursue this legal action. The fact that he has not shown an interest in being anything other than an “every second weekend” dad over the past 11 years is very telling. It is very likely that he is pursuing this action in order to minimise future Child Support obligations.

Earlier this year (2009), he took me through Family Court in order to erase 11 years of unpaid Child Support.

He won.

“Her/She” or “my dear ill friend“:

We met in the post-natal ward of a psychiatric hospital in 1998. We were admitted on the same day, and discharged on the same day, three months later. Forming close friendships in that environment is actually frowned upon, as dependencies can hamper recovery. Regardless of this, she and I formed an instant bond, which has strengthened throughout the intervening years.

When we left the hospital, I moved into a house just around the corner from hers, and we helped each other with our kids and with our recoveries. I stayed there for 5 years.

Her husband has also become one of my closest friends, and provides a wonderfully healthy male role model for my boys. Boo is best friends with her son also. A lovely side benefit of our friendship.

She has struggled on and off with her depression over the intervening years, as have I. But in September of 2008, she fell into a deep, dark, terrifying black hole, and she has been in and out of the psychiatric hospital ever since.

It’s been a case of two steps forward and three steps backward. I have complete faith that she will recover from this horrendous depressive episode, but it’s taking an awfully long time.

Mum and Dad:

My boys and I live in an apartment owned by, and next door to, my parents. We are the only apartments on our level, and the front doors are usually open and we wander freely between both apartments.

My poor Mum has had a terrible time of it lately. She has recently lost nearly all of her vision, and is also recovering from a horrendous fall which left her with broken ribs, broken sacrum, broken vertibrae and broken pelvis.

She’s an amazing woman who is managing to smile, most of the time, despite all of this. My boys are very close to her and my Dad, and we love the close proximity.

My Dad is suffering from arterial damage to his legs, and his mobility has diminished quite a lot over the last couple of years. That doesn’t stop him from being a whizz on the computer, and from doing the cryptic crosswords everyday! He has been a particular strength to me throughout the recent court proceedings.

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I hope that this makes sense, and helps my new readers better understand my daily rantings.

Please ask me questions if there is anything else that I can clarify, or if I’ve left anything out.

xoxo

Wow…

November 26, 2009 in Boo, DH, NaBloPoMo, Photography, Toto, family court by Fe | 8 comments

Today I had a pedicure and a facial. This was a birthday gift LAST YEAR from my dear friend Jenni. And it was AWESOME.

It was my first pedicure ever.

And I would highly recommend it.

And it was my second facial. My first one was just before my wedding.

My boys are struggling. The issues from the weekend are rearing their ugly heads, and I’ve decided to take it one conversation at a time.

Here are some more pics of the gorgeous Charlie.

And Dad… I know you don’t “get it” when I cut the top of heads off. I don’t either. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Look… I put this one in just for you …

A gorgeous boy…

November 25, 2009 in NaBloPoMo, Photography by Fe | 9 comments

Not mine, for a change. I mean, mine ARE gorgeous… but this one is only just 1 year old and is just about the most edible thing I’ve had my hands on for a long long time.

Man I love this job

I should have known better…

November 24, 2009 in Boo, DH, NaBloPoMo, Toto, family court by Fe | 8 comments

… than to blog about the homecoming before it happened.

Last night was horrible.

They were fine when they first came home, but slowly-slowly things began to unravel.

Boo ended up telling me through his tears that DH had called him a dickhead.

Yep, you read that correctly.

Yesterday morning, DH asked him if he had made his lunch yet, and when he answered “No”, DH said “You are such a dickhead Boo.”

But the thing that broke Boo’s heart the most was that Toto didn’t stand up for him.

He had a list of things that had upset him over the weekend. Times when he felt picked upon, or left out.

And, if I’m to believe everything that Boo told me, Toto is mimicking his Dad’s behaviour and is giving Boo a really hard time when he is over there.

This is so hard.

Toto admits some of it, and I could see that it was KILLING him that I was finding out about everything that had gone on.

I tried to explain to Boo that Toto is as scared of his Dad’s reactions as Boo is. But I stressed that Toto’s behaviour was NOT okay.

I talked to Toto, and tried to get him to understand and empathise with Boo… but… understandably… he sees him through his Dad’s eyes when they are at his Dad’s house.

This is heartbreaking.

I want to wrap Boo up and keep him with me.

I want someone to explain to DH exactly the kind of long term damage to Boo, and to Boo and Toto’s relationship, that his behaviour is likely to cause.

But mainly I just want to protect my sons.

I don’t want to think about all the possible outcomes of our upcoming Family Court hearing.

So I won’t.

The joy of the return…

November 23, 2009 in Boo, DH, NaBloPoMo, Toto, home by Fe | 6 comments

There are no words that can describe the joy in my home when my boys return from time spent with their Dad.

I guess it’s a little like all of us have a tiny fear that when they’re at their Dad’s, they may never return.

Unfounded. Completely. But there, never the less.

It lasts a good 10 – 15 minutes nowadays. When they were little it lasted a bit longer. But, at their current age, my boys are too full of “being on their best behaviour” when they’re at their Dad’s, and they can’t wait to let it all out and start squabbling when they get home. And finding reasons to be angry with me.

And I don’t mind.

Experience has taught me that, as long as I don’t personalise it, it doesn’t last long.

It’s hard not to personalise it. It really is. My excitement levels are high, and I always feel disappointment when “reality” sets in so quickly.

But I’ve learned that it’s got nothing to do with me.

It’s all about the relief of being home. Being in an environment where there are consistent consequences for their behaviour. An environment where they aren’t scared of their parent.

They’re testing me to make sure nothing has changed in their absence.

So I calmly remind them that I love them and that I’m glad to have them home, but that this behaviour is not acceptable.

That’s all it takes.

*sigh*

I wonder if this happens in every single-parent home.

Do you know?

Ooops…

November 22, 2009 in NaBloPoMo, random by Fe | 3 comments

… I came SO close to forgetting to blog today. And then I would have blown my second attempt at NaBloPoMo.

And then the world would have ended.

Obviously.

Things I’m grateful for today…

1. I survived the 42˚c heat. Thanks to multiple fans and many wet towels. My equipment survived the heat too (thanks to said fans).

2. The Australian Idol Grand Finale Fireworks. I see so many fireworks from my sweatbox office. But these are definitely the most impressive.

3. Sons who call me from their Dad’s just to say goodnight.

4. Bloggy-friends who are articulate and honest and who write amazing blogs that make me lose myself for hours.

5. Bloggy-photographer-friends who provide wonderful email support for those moments when it’s all too much.

6. All my readers. Known and unknown.

Hot hot hot …

November 21, 2009 in NaBloPoMo, home by Fe | 6 comments

Today has been HOT. And tomorrow is predicted to be over 40˚ celsius.

I’m melting.

My little home-office/spare room is in an enclosed balcony. Which means that it is poorly insulated, and that, combined with the fact that it faces due west, means that I have major problems with my computer equipment when the weather heats up.

I have been working on photos today, and have resorted to wrapping my head and neck in cool wet towels to try and stay cool. It’s barely working. I think I’m going to have to move my equipment into a cooler room before tomorrow’s heat.

This Wednesday, I am having a coating put on the windows which will repel the sun and keep out 80% of the heat. This is coming just in time, as last summer I lost my computer and 3 external hard drives to the heat. I can’t risk that now that I am keeping clients’ photos on my hardware.

As an example of the crazy weather that we’ve been having, we had a sudden and violent storm yesterday afternoon, with winds SO strong that they blew in windows on the 6th and 9th floor of my building.

It was dramatic and terrifying. Especially because one of the owners of the damaged apartments is a lovely woman who, at only 52, has been partially paralysed by recent heart attacks and related surgeries. I went and cleaned up the mess for her, as she is unable to do it herself, while the police and fire-persons came and cordoned off our building until the window repair-people turned up. The windows had shattered inside and outside, and shards of glass were peppered all over our driveway and visitors’ parking area. They window frames themselves were hanging on the outside of the building… literally by a thread.

Never a boring day around here!

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