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Well thank goodness the weekend is over…

November 29, 2009 in Dad, NaBloPoMo, Toto, friendship, home, random by Fe | 3 comments

Sometimes, not often, but definitely sometimes, my weekends are SO hectic that I need a weekend to get over them.

This one was one of those.

Yesterday was filled with running Toto and Boo around to parties and friends, and picking “her” up from hospital and taking her home, before spending TWO HOURS getting ready for a family wedding.

Yep. TWO HOURS!!

It’s because I’m out of practice. Shamefully out of practice! I rarely wear makeup, and my hair only ever says hullo to a hairdryer when I visit the hairdressers. And my legs… let’s not go there .

So yesterday I did the big transformation. This involved:

shaving my legs

finding and putting in contact lenses

putting on makeup

washing and straightening my hair

finding something in my wardrobe that still fits and could be considered “formal”.

*sigh*

My hat is off to all women who do this stuff every day.

It’s absolutely bloody exhausting!

Anyhoo… where was I?

Oh yeah. The wedding.

It was lovely. I cried. But I had to stay sober in order to drive my Dad home so I didn’t cry as much as I would have if someone else had been driving.

And then I was up at sparrow’s fart this morning for another lovely photoshoot with an incredibly fun and gorgeous family…

… before collecting my boys, racing home for the annual “Christmas Drinks on the Lawn” that the Body Corporate of my building organises, racing to friends’ for a b-b-q, and then coming home and collapsing for 5 minutes while the boys carried on as though their entire world depended on being “RIGHT” and making their brother “WRONG”.

Now they’re in bed. I’m processing photos. And I’m exhausted.

I need a weekend to recover.

How was YOUR weekend?

The Cast of Characters…

November 27, 2009 in Air League, Boo, Child Support, DH, Dad, Mum, NaBloPoMo, Toto, depression, family, family court, friendship, home, post-natal depression by Fe | 5 comments

My newest commenter, Sara, asked me the following question:

“I always long for a “cast of characters” when reading a new blog and i checked your about section and wasn’t given much information i am lost reading some of your posts, wondering who is who and maybe once i read back a bit more, i’ll figure it all out. but that’s what my question is, i guess! who are the most important people in your life and what is your relationship to them?”

I thrilled with this question, as I have never stopped to think how confusing this blog can be to new readers.

So, here is my “Cast of Characters”…

Toto:

… my 12 year old first born son. His passion is flying, and he has joined the Australian Air League and plans to have his pilots’ license before his drivers’ license. He struggled through primary school… surrounded by teachers with low-expectations of him and an idea of himself as “not bright”. Now that he’s in High School, he is surrounded by teachers who admire and appreciate him, and his grades have soared to the point where he is consistently at or very near the top of his class. He now knows that the world is his oyster, and he is a delightfully confident child in all things academic. Sadly, he is anxious in all matters relating to his father.

Toto was 9 months old when his father left us.

Boo:

Boo is my 11 year old son. He is bright and funny and brings humour to our daily lives. Schoolwork has always been easy for Boo, and his main focus is his social life. He’s such a happy-go-lucky boy, except on issues relating to his father. Both Toto and Boo agree that DH favours Toto, and Boo often comes home from overnight visits with a broken heart.

Boo was not born when his father left us.

DH:

DH (Dick Head, not Dear Husband) is my ex-husband.

Some of our story is here on my old blog.

The rest of it is chronicled on this blog.

He’s litigious and mean and I wish that he would move far far away so that my boys could grow up with peace and security.

As it is, he is currently taking us through the Family Court in an attempt to have the boys live with him 50% of the time. Neither boy wants this, and DH has even been advised by the family court counselor that it would be damaging for the children for him to pursue this legal action. The fact that he has not shown an interest in being anything other than an “every second weekend” dad over the past 11 years is very telling. It is very likely that he is pursuing this action in order to minimise future Child Support obligations.

Earlier this year (2009), he took me through Family Court in order to erase 11 years of unpaid Child Support.

He won.

“Her/She” or “my dear ill friend“:

We met in the post-natal ward of a psychiatric hospital in 1998. We were admitted on the same day, and discharged on the same day, three months later. Forming close friendships in that environment is actually frowned upon, as dependencies can hamper recovery. Regardless of this, she and I formed an instant bond, which has strengthened throughout the intervening years.

When we left the hospital, I moved into a house just around the corner from hers, and we helped each other with our kids and with our recoveries. I stayed there for 5 years.

Her husband has also become one of my closest friends, and provides a wonderfully healthy male role model for my boys. Boo is best friends with her son also. A lovely side benefit of our friendship.

She has struggled on and off with her depression over the intervening years, as have I. But in September of 2008, she fell into a deep, dark, terrifying black hole, and she has been in and out of the psychiatric hospital ever since.

It’s been a case of two steps forward and three steps backward. I have complete faith that she will recover from this horrendous depressive episode, but it’s taking an awfully long time.

Mum and Dad:

My boys and I live in an apartment owned by, and next door to, my parents. We are the only apartments on our level, and the front doors are usually open and we wander freely between both apartments.

My poor Mum has had a terrible time of it lately. She has recently lost nearly all of her vision, and is also recovering from a horrendous fall which left her with broken ribs, broken sacrum, broken vertibrae and broken pelvis.

She’s an amazing woman who is managing to smile, most of the time, despite all of this. My boys are very close to her and my Dad, and we love the close proximity.

My Dad is suffering from arterial damage to his legs, and his mobility has diminished quite a lot over the last couple of years. That doesn’t stop him from being a whizz on the computer, and from doing the cryptic crosswords everyday! He has been a particular strength to me throughout the recent court proceedings.

********

I hope that this makes sense, and helps my new readers better understand my daily rantings.

Please ask me questions if there is anything else that I can clarify, or if I’ve left anything out.

xoxo

The joy of the return…

November 23, 2009 in Boo, DH, NaBloPoMo, Toto, home by Fe | 6 comments

There are no words that can describe the joy in my home when my boys return from time spent with their Dad.

I guess it’s a little like all of us have a tiny fear that when they’re at their Dad’s, they may never return.

Unfounded. Completely. But there, never the less.

It lasts a good 10 – 15 minutes nowadays. When they were little it lasted a bit longer. But, at their current age, my boys are too full of “being on their best behaviour” when they’re at their Dad’s, and they can’t wait to let it all out and start squabbling when they get home. And finding reasons to be angry with me.

And I don’t mind.

Experience has taught me that, as long as I don’t personalise it, it doesn’t last long.

It’s hard not to personalise it. It really is. My excitement levels are high, and I always feel disappointment when “reality” sets in so quickly.

But I’ve learned that it’s got nothing to do with me.

It’s all about the relief of being home. Being in an environment where there are consistent consequences for their behaviour. An environment where they aren’t scared of their parent.

They’re testing me to make sure nothing has changed in their absence.

So I calmly remind them that I love them and that I’m glad to have them home, but that this behaviour is not acceptable.

That’s all it takes.

*sigh*

I wonder if this happens in every single-parent home.

Do you know?

Hot hot hot …

November 21, 2009 in NaBloPoMo, home by Fe | 6 comments

Today has been HOT. And tomorrow is predicted to be over 40˚ celsius.

I’m melting.

My little home-office/spare room is in an enclosed balcony. Which means that it is poorly insulated, and that, combined with the fact that it faces due west, means that I have major problems with my computer equipment when the weather heats up.

I have been working on photos today, and have resorted to wrapping my head and neck in cool wet towels to try and stay cool. It’s barely working. I think I’m going to have to move my equipment into a cooler room before tomorrow’s heat.

This Wednesday, I am having a coating put on the windows which will repel the sun and keep out 80% of the heat. This is coming just in time, as last summer I lost my computer and 3 external hard drives to the heat. I can’t risk that now that I am keeping clients’ photos on my hardware.

As an example of the crazy weather that we’ve been having, we had a sudden and violent storm yesterday afternoon, with winds SO strong that they blew in windows on the 6th and 9th floor of my building.

It was dramatic and terrifying. Especially because one of the owners of the damaged apartments is a lovely woman who, at only 52, has been partially paralysed by recent heart attacks and related surgeries. I went and cleaned up the mess for her, as she is unable to do it herself, while the police and fire-persons came and cordoned off our building until the window repair-people turned up. The windows had shattered inside and outside, and shards of glass were peppered all over our driveway and visitors’ parking area. They window frames themselves were hanging on the outside of the building… literally by a thread.

Never a boring day around here!

Thank you…

December 8, 2008 in home by Fe | 4 comments

Thank you to everyone who has helped me, and will hopefully continue to help me, with my conundrum about the pharmaceutical industry.

We had a huge thunderstorm here a couple of hours ago, and as soon as it finished, this appeared in the east. Awww….

Thought I’d share it (you know, as a kind of thank you for my last chunky post).

Phew….

December 1, 2008 in family court, home by Fe | 11 comments

I did it! I finished and, thanks to the wonderful Ewan, delivered the docs to the lawyer in time. Now it’s a waiting game.

Thanks to ALL of you for the wonderful support. It meant a lot.

I also had to hang around for the washing machine repair man. Everything always happens at once, and early last week my washing machine broke down. We’ve been struggling with hand washing and borrowing my mum’s machine. Today the repair men replaced the engine, so here’s hoping it’s now as good as new.

Not surprisingly, all I want to do now is sleep.

This is last nights’ sunset. Taken from my office window.

Idol Fireworks…..

November 25, 2008 in home by Fe | 12 comments

You see, and hear, a lot of fireworks from my place. But last night they were particularly grand and loud and dramatic.

I lifted my head from the legal papers for long enough to realise that these were the fireworks from the Grand Final of Australian Idol… and then to quickly snap away before they ended.

Camera settings were not adjusted in the rush… so what I saw is what you get.

Nothing Doing…

November 7, 2008 in friendship, home by Fe | 2 comments

or Doing Nothing….

It’s a kid-free day. My boys are with DH which means a Saturday without cricket. Without Uno. Without laughter and squabbles.

It’s a hollow day.

But not a sad one.

My parents and I are going to the Sydney Theatre Company this afternoon to see “The Pig Iron People“. Should be good.

And then tonight is a Bollywood-themed girls-night-in with my friend J and some of her friends. J shares my birthday tomorrow, so we’re going to quietly celebrate early this year.

“Nothing Doing” could also be about my birthday. For the last couple of years I’ve held a party at the pub across the road, but I’m just not up for it this year. Next year I’ll double my efforts and share the joy. Promise. This year just doesn’t feel like much of a celebration. Especially without “her”. Her birthday is the week after mine, and it feels wrong to do any celebrating while she’s still so ill.

*sigh*

So, this is another NaBloPoMo post. A post for the sake of a post.

Sorry ’bout that.

Chocolates..

November 7, 2008 in Boo, DH, Toto, depression, family court, friendship, home by Fe | 8 comments

We had some visitors the other day. Lara and Inigo (from here) dropped by for some boy-adoration time. Awwww..

Toto was away, and so Inigo had Boo all to himself. I love the way my boys enjoy spending time with littler kidlets.

Awww…….

There was SO much laughter!

..and then Boo decided that the world was way “cooler” when seen from an inverse position. Can’t say I disagree with him. (Probably because he could see – without all that hair in his eyes!)

This is an unusually early-morning shot of our view to the north. I say “unusually” because it’s not like me to be awake before 6am, let-alone UP. Toto needed to be at school for a 6am excursion departure the other day, and so I made the most of it.

Do you ever have times when all you seem to do is cry? I tear-up over everything (and no, I’m not pre-menstrual). I had a run-in with my telephone provider today… and cried for an hour over it. Crazy. I mean, not literally (I hope). And I’m feeling very overwhelmed about the legal stuff with DH and “her” and everything else on my plate.

I guess I just need to cry it out. I feel as though I’m being very tough on myself for even talking about it here (feels kinda vulnerable) and that this should prompt me to “pull it together”. I would never be that tough on anyone else.

*sigh*

Life. Is like a box of chocolates….. (thanks Forrest Gump for that clinker)

I love my home….

November 1, 2008 in Boo, Dad, Mum, Toto, home by Fe | 4 comments

Yes, I’ve been away for a week and am therefore delighting in the comfort of being in my own environment. But it’s that very feeling that has inspired me to think about the place that I call “home”.

My boys and I moved into this flat 4.5 years ago after a very abrupt breakup with my ex-fiance. We had a week to move out of his house, and, as I had sold my house to move in with him and was not working for income at the time, we had extremely limited options.

My parents had bought their neighbouring flat a few years earlier. The idea was that it would allow them to house overseas rellies and visitors comfortably as well as providing their grandchildren with bedrooms for overnight visits. In fact, they had ended up knocking down connecting walls and expanding into the new flat themselves…. and were enjoying the extra space.

They generously took us in, under the strictest understanding that this was to be temporary.

And yet here we still are.

Part of it is because the boys settled in to their new school so well. Part of it is because I could never afford to rent or buy within travelling distance of that new school. Part of it is because, gradually, we put the connecting walls back in. And part of it is because we’ve fallen into a comfortable pattern of helping each other out.

And now I don’t ever want to leave.

I love the idea of living with extended family, but the reality, initially, was difficult for all of us. It took us a long time to manage how much involvement was “helping” and how much was “interfering”. My parents aren’t young (they read this, so I won’t divulge exactly how not young they are) and are suffering from some increasingly debilitating health issues. I believe that their involvement with my boys helps to keep them motivated and optimistic. And I definitely know that their involvement with my boys helps my boys to develop empathy and respect.

It’s not always a picnic. As their youngest child, I find myself occasionally falling into patterns of behaviour that didn’t become me when I was 16, letalone now that I’m 42. And they would, understandably, prefer to live in an environment without the noise that my boys sometimes make.

But the upside far outweighs all of that.

My boys and I adore them. And my Dad provides a role model to them that DH and my brothers have failed to provide.

And the views rock!

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