Articles by Fe

You are currently browsing Fe’s articles.

Phew… glad that’s over…

August 20, 2010 in Bloggy Stuff, Boo, Photography, Toto, depression, friendship, opinion, political by Fe | 4 comments

My tax stuff is with the Accountant. I’ve missed the deadline, but will have 100% accurate data to send them next week.

You know, lovely and good things are happening too. I feel I should share some of them with you (as you are all so wonderful and supportive when I tell you about the tough times).

I’ve had quite a few photography jobs lately… so I’m getting there slowly but surely. I am currently 3/4 way through a ten week evening course in Lighting and it is SO exciting to be able to chart my own progression and to see the improvement in my photographs.

I’m second shooting at a very glamorous wedding next weekend. This is an unpaid gig… but well worth it for portfolio pictures… especially as it’s on Bondi Beach and will be absolutely stunning.

I haven’t been commenting or reading other blogs, simply because I haven’t had the time. I promise I’ll get back to it soon… I’m sorry if you’re a blog-writer that’s been commenting here and hearing NOTHING back from me! I hope you understand.

Toto is 6ft tall. I know!!!! He’s a real teenager, but still so affectionate and lovely (when the hormones aren’t causing him to groan and mumble like a big skinny gorilla). Boo, newly twelve, is trying on some new behaviours and attitudes. Ahhh puberty!

My dear ill friend is doing really well. We’re both so busy that we really don’t get together as often as we used to, but we’re still in close contact.

We’ve got a Federal Election here on Saturday. It’s been quite an effort for me to refrain from becoming political here on my blog.

Needless to say, somebody not very deserving will win. And, because I happen to live in the Opposition Leader’s electorate, and I won’t be voting for him, my vote won’t do much good at all. Ah well.

So.. how are YOU?

xoxo

Happy Birthday Boo and Mum!

August 13, 2010 in Boo, Mum, School by Fe | 13 comments

Boo is twelve years old today. And my Mum is 77.

And the best pressie that they both got?

Boo’s future school is allowing him to go by “Mine-His” surname! Their legal dept has made an exception to the rule because he has been known by that name through 7 years of primary school.

Yippeeeee!! Common sense prevails!

It’s lovely to have something THIS important go our way!

Bloody Hell…

August 11, 2010 in Boo, Child Support, DH, Family Assistance Office, School, Toto, depression, family court by Fe | 9 comments

Nothing positive to report.

Nope.

Nada.

Zip.

But plenty to report, all the same.

A week ago, I received a letter from the Family Assistance Office ordering me to lodge detailed profit and loss statements with them within 21 days.

I telephoned them to find out why, and to ask for an extension, and apparently this is NOT a computer generated review.

Oh no.

“Somebody” had notified them that I was earning money that I was not declaring, and that, consequently, I was fraudulently receiving Family Tax Benefits.

“Somebody”???

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out that it’s DH taking a first, insanely aggressive, step towards reducing his Child Support obligations AGAIN.

I’m self-employed. And totally disorganised when it comes to my tax returns and book-keeping.

But I’m ANYTHING but fraudulent.

I have declared a projected income which is higher than my real income. A LOT higher.

So, this “review” will end up being in my favour.

But the process is killing me.

********

When Toto was born, DH refused to even consider a double-barrelled surname, and so, subservient fool that I was, Toto was registered with DH’s surname only (we shall call it “His”).

When Boo was born, I did not want him to have a different surname to his brother (and I was clinically depressed) and so he, too, has just DH’s surname.

My surname is their 3rd name on their birth certificates.

The fact that DH did not financially support the children, or even try to see them when they were very small, prompted me to change their surname to “Mine-His” before they were even in school.

By the time they were in school, they were registered as “Mine-His” in a category called “Known As”. In other words, their birth certificate and passports have “His” name on them, but everything else has “Mine-His”, including all communications with the Department of Education.

When DH started all of the legal stuff, I tried to include an official “change of name” in the orders. DH refused.

He makes a huge deal out of calling them by his surname only. Which upsets the boys enormously.

Well…. Boo’s school for next year has told me that they refuse to call him “Mine-His” unless they have a stat-dec signed by both parents.

Nevermind that he sat their entrance exam as “Mine-His”. Never mind that ALL his school records are “Mine-His”.

No, they’re standing their ground.

And Boo is devastated.

I’m waiting to hear back from the Headmistress about it… but it doesn’t look good.

Why should he have to suffer like this? Don’t they realise that it’s THEY who are changing his name? Not me!

One of my brothers changed his christian name when he was in Kindergarten. He literally came home and told my parents that his name was now something else.

He did not change it by de-pol until he was an adult, but was “known as” his new name all the way through school and university.

I do not understand why this school has taken such an officious stand on this simple problem.

No no… my pleasure…

July 28, 2010 in family, family court, opinion by Fe | 4 comments

If you haven’t watched “Outnumbered”, a BBC sitcom, then you’ll thank me for introducing it to you.

It is honestly one of the cleverest telly programmes I’ve ever seen. The kids are BRILLIANT! Apparently most of the dialogue is unscripted… they just let the kids ramble on and they say the funniest things!

********

Things are okay here. I’m getting used to it all again… or something.

We had a celebration for my oldest brothers’ 50th birthday last weekend. Kind of makes me feel old.

It is so screamingly obvious that my brothers and their wives don’t ever mention DH or the legal stuff to me. Ever. My parents do, and I’m sure that they pass the information on to my brothers, but I really do wish that I had some support from my siblings.

My shrink says that I should toughen up and stop expecting miracles.

Hmmm.

Thank God for you lot

So…

July 24, 2010 in DH, family court by Fe | 6 comments

… it’s adjourned to Sept 2. And, if my lawyer’s assistant had done her job properly, it could have been far later than that. She seemed to not understand that a longer adjournment works better for our case. Hmmm.

And the Independent Children’s Lawyer has been changed. Without any notification to us. The new lawyer told my lawyers’ assistant that she will be seeing the boys… but I am confused about this as one would think she should have seen them before the last two hearing dates.

DH’s lawyer has given us orders that they want me to sign… giving him a unacceptably larger proportion of time with the children from the beginning of the school term in 2011. Orders that I will not agree to. And that the new Independent Children’s Lawyer has said that she will not agree to either.

So.. it continues.

Great. Just great.

July 21, 2010 in DH, family court by Fe | 8 comments

More precedent to support DH’s outrageous claims…

“Mother on bond for ignoring access order

Kim Arlington
July 19, 2010 – 3:00AM

A mother has been placed on a two-year good behaviour bond for ignoring court orders giving her former husband access to their children.

Known by the pseudonyms Mr and Ms Demarchis, the couple separated in 2001. She won custody of their three children, and a court ordered they spend regular time with their father. But Ms Demarchis repeatedly contravened the orders and the father has not spent time with his children since August 2008.

”This is a most complex, difficult and ultimately sad case,” the federal magistrate Evelyn Bender said.

The parents do not speak and want to avoid any future interaction, the Federal Magistrates Court in Melbourne heard.

The children, now aged 19, 15 and 11, did not want to spend time with him. They described their father as selfish, rigid and uninterested.

”It was the wife’s evidence that she has, over the years, tried to encourage the children to have a positive relationship with their father, but that his ongoing lack of interest and participation in their lives has resulted in the children making the decision that they no longer wish to spend time with him,” Ms Bender said.

Mr Demarchis, however, did not concede that his behaviour or parenting style contributed to the breakdown. (my emphasis)

Although the court directed Ms Demarchis to make sure the children’s mobile phones were charged and had enough credit to speak to their father each Wednesday, she failed to facilitate and encourage the calls.

She failed to make the children available for visits with their father, taking them to the beach and, on one occasion, avoiding him by driving to a town the children randomly entered into their sat nav.

An independent family consultant reported that the children’s reluctance to spend time with their father was due to his lack of emotional availability and rigid parenting style, but also the mother’s failure to support their relationship with him.

”The way forward in this matter rests very much in the attitudes of the parents and in their ability to accept responsibility for their own behaviours,” Ms Bender said.

She put Ms Demarchis on a good-behaviour bond, to pay $3000 for any breach, and ordered Mr Demarchis into counselling to improve his parenting strategies.

This story was found at: http://www.smh.com.au/national/mother-on-bond-for-ignoring-access-order-20100718-10g3g.html”

Another adjournment…

July 21, 2010 in DH, family court by Fe | 2 comments

… but this time from my side.

My lawyers’ 92 year old Grandmother passed away on Sunday, and she will be in country Victoria for the funeral tomorrow and therefore unable to represent me in Court.

Apparently DH’s lawyer has said that they are going to make us an offer (umm… you’re cutting it a bit fine here!) which we will then read and refuse.

The problem with all of this though, is that it becomes a tennis match of lawyer-to-lawyer lobbing, and quickly becomes another $10,000 – $20,000 bill.

The thought of which makes my head spin and sends me rocking in a corner.

Court on Thursday…

July 20, 2010 in Boo, Photography, Toto, family court, friendship by Fe | 5 comments

… although it may just be a directional hearing. I’m really not sure. My head is well and truly in the sand.

Last Sunday my boys and I, and some very good friends, went to the Sydney Biennale Art Exhibition on Cockatoo Island… an island in the middle of our beautiful harbour.

It was a glorious day and we really enjoyed the exhibition, and spending time with our friends. The only downside was the horrendous wait for the ferry to get on and off the island… and the HUGE amount of people who quite brazenly jumped the queue!! We were waiting for well over an hour to leave the island, and tempers flared when people pushed in. I was just so shocked, and saddened, that people could be so rude.

Anyway.. here’s my favourite pic from the day….