If there’s one thing that I’ve heard this year, over and over and over again, it’s “Don’t forget to put the oxygen mask on yourself first”.
Now I’m sure you all know where that phrase comes from… You know… the safety speech that aircraft cabin crew give you just as you’re taking off…
“All persons travelling with small children and the elderly … put the oxygen mask on yourself before attending to those around you” (or something similar).
And this has been the year where I have needed to heed that advice more than any other.
But what does it really mean?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, as this tremendous and tremulous year comes to an end.
HOW do I do this?
I know how I’ve been trying to do this, but I’m not that sure that it’s been working.
I’ve been trying to spend “me” time without feeling guilty.
I’ve been trying to work towards a successful and HAPPY career that will eventually get me out of all this legal debt.
I’ve been trying to focus on those that I love and who add to my life, and removing myself from those who take take take emotionally from me without giving me anything in return.
I think the problem word here is “trying”.
I think I need to really “be” in all of those moments. And somehow find a way to fill my emotional tanks up with all of them so that I can still give to those around me who need my strength.
I have to find a way to be necessarily selfish. Without guilt.
And it’s hard.
*sigh*
Am I making sense?
Anyway.. that’s my new years’ resolution. To fill my emotional tanks up with enjoyable and productive tasks. To do this SO WELL that I will still have plenty left over to continue to support and love those around me who are not doing as well as me at the moment.
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So, from mine to yours….
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
May all of your emotional tanks be filled with love, strength and laughter in 2010.
I bow my head to you all. I can’t tell you how much I admire and respect and appreciate my wonderful bloggy friends. I’m not always very good at letting you all know that. So there it is.
love, Fe.
and Toto…..
and Boo….
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What handsome young men you have. I wanted to say beautiful boys but they may not like it said that way.
You are so right about being instead of trying. I am one who did not understand and gave until there was no “me” left. I tried to take care of me but others did not see that I was depleted.
I’d say it like this. If your parents are supporting you in any way take it and use it for your needs. Stay calm as possible. Pray, lean on God if you can. Smile often…..laugh often…. You do a great job with it all. Rest as much as you can. Sleep to heal your body. Don’t keep pushing when you have the chance to rest. These years with the boys will pass fast. The boys would rather have a happy mom than one who can give them all their wants.
I just love your blog. I feel so proud of you for the way you get through all this and carry on.
Rita
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And to you! A great 2010 should be coming your way if there’s any cosmic reasoning going on. Good luck!
Have you read Buddhism for Mothers? You may find it useful on the mindfulness and presence front. I dip into it all the time when I need a refresher in keeping myself strong.
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Hear hear! Backatcha Fe. Wubs u lots.Brenda
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Happy New Year, lovely Fe. You know I value you right back. Learning to care for yourself is incredibly hard after a lifetime of giving. It will make all the difference though.
Those are some beautiful boys you have there.
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And Happy New Year to you to. I hope you find a way to replenish your emotional tanks and rid yourself of the guilt.
xoxox -
“Remember to secure your own mask before assisting others.”
Before I became a flight attendant, I would hear this instruction and think “How selfish! You want me to take care of my OWN comfort before I help my baby?!” I naively assumed I could simply hold my breath in a decompression, and help my child before putting my own mask on. I had no idea what I would be risking if I did that.
Distinguishing between needs and wants then is the key. 2009 was a super hard year. But we made it! Things ARE working out after all, and at the end of the day, the journey IS the reward. Hope 2010 has more joy in the journey! ♥
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I loved this post. For a few different reasons, this year has been an incredibly difficult one at our place. I ended the year exhausted and emotionally very depleted. So what did I do?
Packed up one of the boys, (the one who has elected not to go and spend time with his father any more) and we went to Singapore for 6 days. We needed time out, surrounded by different sights, smells and sounds, and even though it was a stupid financial decision, we’ve come back refreshed and ready for whatever may come our way this year. It ended up being a ‘selfish’ thing to do which is probably a very UNselfish thing I’ve done when I look at the bigger picture of running our lives here. I’m no longer running on empty.
(The son I took with me is 16. My other boys are still happy to spend time with their father, but he has decided that he no longer wants to see him. The kids make up their own minds about things as they get older… you’ll see!)
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hello fe dearest …
have you read the secret … I am reading it at present … jury is still out … but it makes some good points … worth a look if you can get past some of the waffle bits … it has reminded me of a few home truths …
2010 will be what we make it – as always
and you make it good Fe so don’t fret my best to you le xo
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