You’re amazing…

Thank you.

I’m quite overwhelmed by all of your responses to my last post.

I’m not surprised.  I know I have the best blog-readers in the world.  That is why I trusted you with such an honest, vulnerable and difficult question.

I’m not going to send it.

You all made incredibly astute and valid points.  I have learned a lot from all of you.

I wrote the letter because I needed to.  And because a tiny part of me still expects him to behave with integrity.

I know that it would have been gristle for his mill.  I know that it would have had no positive result.

I know that it was too emotional.  I find it extremely difficult to be honest without being emotional.

You see, I try to live my life with integrity.  In all areas.  Always.

When I’m in the wrong, I admit it.  I will even apologise for an unintentioned slight.

It’s not about how others’ perceive me.  It’s about how I perceive myself.

Your words helped me to realise that in this situation, even though it took me a while to “get it”, I didn’t wrong DH.  My apology only needed to be to Boo.

I have apologised to Boo.  His response was to say “Mum, you don’t need to apologise to me about this.”.  I said that I did, because it had put him in an uncomfortable position and that I could have behaved differently.  He still said “But I understand.  You said what you needed to say.  You really don’t need to apologise to me about this.” and so I insisted that I did, simply because I felt that I had behaved inconsistently.  He then said “Okay.  Thanks” and had a little grin on his face.

xoxo

PS.  Next time I will move myself.  With no conversation.