Comments on: Should I send this?

By: M

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:27:51 +0000

My gut reaction is don’t send it.

By: Wen

Wen — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 23:22:51 +0000

Major ditto here on not sending it. As I read it, I could see how he could twist it. Talk to Boo about the incident and how it affected him, but do not communicate about it to DH. He would use it and twist and it and consider it awin that he got to you enough for you to send it.

By: Stacey

Stacey — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:52:38 +0000

Fe, I’m going to go against the grain here and say I think you should send it, but with a few modifications first.
I’d remove the emotional aspect from it and some of the historical elements of it.
Perhaps just keep it short and to the point, focussing solely on the events of that evening, i.e. “I’m uncomfortable sitting with you, I acted inappropriately and for that I apologise.”
I think by doing so you get to keep the moral high ground and no one can say that you’ve been arrogant or pigheaded. I think also it shows the boys that you can accept when you’ve been in the wrong (if you feel you have been) and can hold your hand up and say sorry.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

By: Alexandra

Alexandra — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:20:40 +0000

Hi Fe,

Reading your blog sometimes I think maybe you should read a book from Eckhart Tolle ” A New earth”. He explains a certain behaviour of people that he calls “the pain body”. I have the impression that DH has a huge “pain body” and maybe reading the book it would help you to know how to react to him… although I think it must be VERY VERY difficult!! from us outsiders reading your posts we can see very clear how he loves to provoke you and push you as far as he can until you scream. It seems to me that he has a pleasure in hurting you.
I don’t comment much on your blog just because I don’t have much energy due to illness but several times I thought of mention this book to you.
My opinion about the email? don’t send it.. his intention is just to make you scream, if you show indifference to his behaviour he loses his power.
hugs,

By: dorijke

dorijke — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:53:09 +0000

Dear, dear Fe, don’t send it and don’t apologise to DH. You gave Boo an example of your integrity and that ‘s enough.
Big hugs

By: MissyBoo

MissyBoo — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:06:58 +0000

I’m an emphatic NO! Please don’t!

Apologise to Boo as much as you feel you need to, but PLEASE don’t let that drop kick know that he has sparked emotional turmoil within you. He will only use it to his advantage in the future, and know where to aim his blows.

xoxox

By: le

le — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:38:11 +0000

on you blue spot on le xox

By: le

le — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:37:02 +0000

nooooo no no noooo noooooooo and in case I was too subtle no.

no because I love you and no because he does not, no because you are an amazing mum and no because you are brave and strong and good and decent, no because he does not need this to thrive, no because let him think what he likes because HE DOES NOT MATTER.

You have taken Boo into your confidence and explained this very adult situation with compasion and wisdom that I would never have. Boo will learn the life lesson here – DH never will so don’t waste the investment on him.

be brave fe, you did nothing to deserve this situation, close the door on it and forgive yourself if you must, although in my books there is nothing that needs forgiving, just understanding and you have that from your boys le xoxoxoxo

By: Wolfie

Wolfie — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:41:34 +0000

Hi Fe,

don’t send it. But not for the reason that he may use it against you. I have the feeling that you need to tell him how hurt you are the way he has treated you in the past, make hi understand. Unfortunately he is not going to give a t… about how you feel – and you have opened yourself up, have left yourself vulnerable. Just state the fact that you regret the action on that night in front of the kids. Don’t tell him you felt uncomfortable maybe tell him that you would appreciate it if he respected your privacy and sat somewhere else in future.. And let the boys know that you have told him, it would demonstrate a lot of integrity.

On a different note, do you remember Mev, my old ex-neighbour? He died 6 weeks ago – and I didnt even know about until 6 weeks later. He went to hospital a few days after i visited him over a cup of tea, was in intensive care for a few days for problems with his lung and then didn’t want anymore help (almost like his heart attack a few years ago where I had to drag him to hospital. My other neighbour next door died as well, he just didnt want to live anymore. Oh, an my goldfish died – after 7.5 years -feels weird being home all alone

When are we going to have our beer or two )

Keep strong and look after yourself,
W.

By: peskypixies

peskypixies — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:07:22 +0000

no no no and no.
do not send it.
he will only use it against you at a later date.

ok……you feel you made a mistake….well thats ok.we all do that.

move on.
dont let him have anymore power over you.

hugs hugs hugs