The boys came home from DH’s tonight with quite a story.
Toto told me that “Dad and Boo had a huge fight”.
After some gentle questioning, it came out that DH has decided to give Boo some extra homework that he has made up himself. Boo refused to do this extra homework and DH became very angry with him and eventually banned all electronic games and media for the next two weeks.
DH said that he would telephone Boo’s teacher to ask him what other extra work Boo could have. He told Boo that, even though he was sure that I would not agree with this, this was in Boo’s best interests.
Seriously? Boo gets HEAPS of homework as it is!!! And he’s way up there at the top of his class without even trying!!
Obviously his lawyer has told him that he has to be a Dad who’s actively involved in his child’s education to stand a chance of being given 50/50 shared parenting by a Judge. I mean, why else wait until a child is 11 to take any interest at all in his schoolwork? The usual homework fight involves the boys trying to do their homework, and DH telling them that they have to fulfill their social obligations first.
Anyway… I’ve told Boo that I’ll support him in refusing to do the extra work. I strongly believe that the most important aspect of a primary school education is developing a lifelong love of learning, and that cramming unnecessary and extraneous work into a child’s afternoon is only going to teach him to resent doing homework altogether.
Toto had a word with his Year 7 co-ordinator today, about not wanting to stay overnight at his fathers’ house. The Year co-ordinator told him that he has to be very clear about that when he is being questioned by the judge, and to remember that his own opinion is the most important one.
Toto came home feeling very relieved.
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At age 8 or 9, I actually got an ulcer from the burden of too much homework. Some homework is fine, but come on – children needn’t be burdened with more than necessary. Am glad to hear that the boys’ own opinion count for something, and that people outside the family are listening to them!
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Oh god Fe. He is just awful in such a familiar way. I have everything crossed that you are heard by a sensible judge who actually listens to what is going on here. Poor Boo. It makes me want to scoop him up and run off with him so that he can’t be upset any more. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to suppress that instinct!
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1. What a dick.
2. Rule #37 of teaching: Homework is meant to reinforce what was learned in the classroom. If Boo already understands the classwork, then extra homework isn’t going to help him understand it any better.
3. You’re absolutely right about the most important aspect of primary school education. I see kids every day who love to learn, and I see kids every day who hate it. The ones who love it see school as an opportunity to learn and explore. Encouraging them to learn and explore on their own is good; forcing them to do more work than necessary only leads to resentment and boredom.
4. You’re absolutely right that DH is only trying to put on a show and pretend to be involved. Make sure you document this and can cite the exact date when he first took an interest in his ELEVEN YEAR OLD son’s education. A judge might find that bit of information interesting.
5. I wish the court system paid more attention to the feelings of the child in cases like yours. All too often, children are forced to spend time with a bad parent simply because the parent has “rights”. Bullshit. If a child feels that strongly about not spending the night at his father’s house, there is obviously a reason for it. The court should acknowledge that, and recognize that forcing him to spend time there isn’t going to fix anything.
6. Your photos are stunning. Every one you’ve posted here captures the pure essence of childhood in every way. I wish I could hire you to come here and photograph my girls.
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *runs around holding head in hands in amazement* what is WITH this man? Seriously.
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banging my head against the wall…………
is he serious??????????
extra homework?????????????
really…………..??he needs a good smack.
hugs
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Oh that man – he does my head in!!! GRRRR
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