A second daily post during NaBloPoMo? Unbelievable!…

I can’t quite believe that I’m doing this, but I’ve been re-reading my blog, and I feel as though I’ve lost the honesty and “blogging as therapy”-ness that I used to write with.

So, I’m going to put this stuff out there right now, while I have the gumption …..

My darling friend is in a bad, awful, terrible, horrendous, horrific, unbearable, un-manageable place.

And today, when I was visiting her in the hospital (as I do every day), I bumped into the nurse that gave me a hiding over a year ago (see here).

My job, as I see it, is to convince my darling friend, on nearly an hourly basis, that she is going to survive this.  That this is an illness and not a way of life.  That she is still the amazing woman that she has been, and that this cursed illness will succumb to the new treatment that she is going on.

It’s a tough job.

And today, she recognised that.

She is usually way too ill to think about how this effects me.  And I understand that totally.  But today, when I told her about my Mum (I’ll tell you all in a minute), she said that she couldn’t understand how I could cope with all of that AND her.  She expressed guilt at being such a needy friend.  She said that I should forget about her and focus on my immediate issues.

And I was able to tell her, with all honesty, that I AM coping.  I am able to handle everything that is on my plate right now.  I said that, as she knows, that isn’t always the case, and that I always “put the oxygen mask” on myself first.  And that right now, I’m not even questioning my time spent with her.

You see, she really is my dearest friend here in Oz.  She and her husband love me and my boys… without question or condition.  When she is well, she is my easiest and most comforting friend.  She just is.

Which makes all of this stuff unquestionably worth it.

She has just been nominated for her ‘nth AFI award (and I can say that comfortably without anyone being able to find her identity) for an episode of a television series that she wrote while suffering from this debilitating illness.  She is, at the moment, the most AFI awarded screenwriter in Australia.  And I am SO proud of her.

But, she is terrified of attending the awards alone (her hubby will have to look after the kidlets), so I have offered to go with her.

She contributes SO much to intelligent Australian entertainment.  She contributes to society in many other ways as well.

And seeing her alone and and so debilitated in a psychiatric hospital is so hard.

She WILL get better.  For some god-knows-how reason, I actually believe that to the depth of my soul.  I cannot succumb to the notion that she won’t.

And to top things off, the poor thing has  lump on the back of her hand which she has convinced herself is a skin cancer.  When you’re in the depths of depression, it is all or nothing.  All of the time.

So, I have booked her an appointment with a Skin Cancer Specialist next week. And I got permission from the wonderful but scary nurse to take her to it.  At this stage, I will do ANYTHING to help reassure and comfort her.

*sigh*

My Mum.  Both of my parents have macular degeneration.  The wet (bad) kind.  For a few years now they have been having regular injections in their eyeballs in an effort to halt the progression of the disease.

And yesterday my Mum developed an infection from her injection.

Her eye is infected.  Which is a terrifying and incredibly dangerous thing.

I rushed her into the specialist this morning, but he didn’t sound optimistic.

She’s on a rigorous routine of eyedrops in an effort to quell the damage.  But she might need surgery.

The upshot is that the infected eye was her “good eye”.  She has now lost nearly all sight in that eye, and is therefore almost totally blind.

This, on top of her physical problems right now, is a terribly difficult thing to have to deal with.

She’s struggling.

So, there you have it, Internetz.  And, with all of this going on, I’m okay.  Truly Ruly.

I’m even going to give you another photo to comment upon!

I can’t tell you how much your comments mean to me!  Honestly, it’s been scary to put this stuff out there….  And  you’ve all been incredibly kind and supportive.

This one reminds me of “her”…